


Three's a crowd (Four's a party)

by Catherines_Collections



Category: New Girl
Genre: F/M, Gen, Hijinks & Shenanigans, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Roomates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-28
Updated: 2016-12-28
Packaged: 2018-09-12 23:08:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9094744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Catherines_Collections/pseuds/Catherines_Collections
Summary: Nick narrows his eyes, “You wouldn’t dare, Day.”
Jess just smirks, “Try me, Miller."





	

**Author's Note:**

> So i love this show, this is mostly dialogue, and i want to write more for this show that's hopefully less crackish. I'm tagging this Nick and Jess but there are only hints, so sorry if that's not what you are looking for! This is the crackiest thing i have ever written, wow. This is also a comment fic fill!
> 
> I own nothing, please enjoy!

any, any, lucky pants   
.

“What’s going on?” Jess questions as she walks into the living room of the loft where all of her roommates resign. She drops her purse, and allows herself to fall onto the couch in-between Schmidt and Winston with a satisfied sigh.

She looks to her right and sees Schmidt gasps in various tones and gestures wildly to the less than appealing pair of pants Nick has decided to wear. Winston leans up to grab his beer from the table before he actually speaks to her, and when he does he speaks in his ‘I could be with Ferguson right now but instead I’m out here with you people’ tone, which tells her two things: One is that this is another Nick situation, which she already knew, and two which is that she needs to find someone for Winston very soon.

“Nick found some old pants in his closet today and Schmidt hates them.”

“You’re damn right I hate them!” Schmidt replies, looking at Nick’s pants in disgust, turning a pale shade of green, “look at that cheap fabric and those horrible saggy pockets! The left one has a gaping hole in the bottom, and don’t even get me started on the colorful flare at the ends. Where, no sorry more like when, did you even get these Nicholas? They are ugly and they are falling apart!”

“They are not ugly!” yells back Nick, patting what looks to be a brown stain on the middle of the thigh, and rubbing the pants as if to sooth away Schmidt’s harsh comments about them. 

Schmidt continues to gasp in outrage while Winston takes another drink of his beer, peering around the edges of the couch in search of his cat. Nick and Schmidt continue to yell back and forth, making references to bad college fashion choices and other past mistakes. 

Jess watches them behind her glasses and giggles. She quickly realizes that was a mistake as both heads snap to her.

“Jessica,” starts Schmidt, “please tell Nicholas to burn those pants immediately and put on one of the pairs I bought him.”

“Stop buying me thing!” yells a frustrated Nick, “Unless it’s food or beer, stop buying me things!”

“Oh just wear the jeans Nicholas, they’ll outline your butt nicely and I know they don’t have any holes in the pockets.”

Nick puts his face in his hands and lets out a long frustrated sigh. When he speaks again his voice is muffled. “Schmidt you gotta stop talking about my butt man. We’ve had this conversation! I can’t believe we even had to have this conversation!”

“Take off the pants!”

“No!”

“Jessica tell Nick how ugly those pants are!”

Jess bites her lip and looks between her two irate roommates, but doesn’t get a chance to respond as she is interrupted by Nick. Nick who throws back his head and groans and Schmidt who smacks the couch in a frustrated response. 

Winston, surprisingly, is the next one to talk, “So wait, what makes the pants so special? ‘Cause I gotta tell you man those are the ugliest pants I think I’ve ever seen and I know that you have at least enough fashion sense to know that as well.”

Three pairs of eyes stare intently at their grumpy roommate until he finally cracks, and when he does it with a tired sigh and a mumble.

“We can’t hear you Nick.” Schmidt comments snidely.

“Fine!” it’s a yell this time to no one’s surprise, “I said they are my lucky pants!”

“Luck-lucky pants? No Nick no.” 

“Yes, they are my lucky pants! I have had them for thirteen years and I love them like the brother I never had! We’ve been through a lot together, dates and movies and a lot of self-love, and I don’t plan to get rid of them anytime soon.”

“Ok one,” starts Jess because she has to interfere in this mess somewhere, “Winston’s the brother you never had if you had to have another brother.” Winston and Schmidt nod their heads simultaneously beside her, “and two: fine you can keep them, but you can’t wear them.”

Nick scoffs before he responds, “You can’t control my life you evil woman!” 

“No,” she relents, “but I do control the washer.”

“Ha!” laughs Nick, pointing at her, “Jokes on you! I never wash my clothes.”

Schmidt and Nick both pull a disgusted face at his admission, but Jess refuses to back down now.

“Well then in that case," she adds, a michevious smile making its way onto her lips, "it sure would be a shame if while you take one of your four hour naps your hideous pants were to go missing.”

Nick narrows his eyes, “You wouldn’t dare, Day.”

Jess just smirks, “Try me, Miller. I work a teacher’s schedule. Which means I get home when you go to work.”

Nick stares at her for a moment searching her face for any sign of weakness before a terrifying smile finds a way onto his lips. 

“Well then I guess I’ll just never take these pants off.”

Schmidt nearly has a heart attack at the words, going as far as to grab his chest, and Winston dry heaves for a moment, but Nick and Jess do not break their stare down. 

Finally Jess sits up and smirks. She takes a moment to look at Nick’s ‘lucky’ pants and bets they’ll fall apart within a week, especially without a wash. 

She picks up her purse and stretches her arms up as she stands. She steps in front of him and gets right in his face, where her short blue skirt mirrors his hideous pants.

“I’ll call your bluff Miller. Fifty bucks says you won’t last a week in those pants.” She salutes him before she begins to walk to the hallway that leads to her room.

She hears Schmidt gagging behind her and Winston’s pleads to please just throw those fugly pants away, but what she hears most clearly is Nicks responding shout of: “You’re on Day!”

When she arrives in her room, she shuts her door with a smile.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed! I'm on tumblr as rhymesofblue.


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